Final weeks of project: Kruger and Swaziland

This is going to be my last post in a while as we are leaving Barberton this weekend. I have truly had the most amazing time with the best volunteers anyone could wish for! I’m so sad to see them go and nervous for the next five weeks where I am going to be traveling alone! We’ll see what happens and hopefully I’ll be able to update the blog in November (providing I’m still alive- just kidding nana).

So these past two weeks have been perhaps my favourite. Last week we had sports day at Fairview school and it surprisingly ran relatively smoothly. We work in two schools so we had to organise bringing them together for the big event. We managed to ship eighty two learners off from Eckhiyeni primary in the world’s oldest bus and arrived at Fairview just gone eleven. There was going to be another eighty two learners competing from Fairview as well, but naturally this meant that the principle had to suspend the lessons for the other 952 learners. It was the only reasonable and logical action to have a 1000 children running around the school high on sweets and ice lollies.

 All crammed in. 

When we arrived with the eckhiyeni learners we treated to an elaborate dance from the Fairview girls. Wearing knee high white boots and tiny blue dresses at the age of ten meant it got slightly weird when they started to lick their fingers and run them over their bodies, but the boys seemed to enjoy the display. The dance went on for a good 25 minutes and it was starting to get a bit repetitive until the principle decided to shove us into the spotlight. She made us stand in the middle of the girls who were now lying in the floor thrusting towards the sky to have our photo taken for the local newspaper. How those images turned out I’d rather not know.

 The day ran well and the highlight was the football match. Whenever one of the teams scored a goal a screaming encore of learners would run onto the pitch rugby tackling the goal scorer to the ground. It was really sweet. Things did get chaotic though when Katie and Lucy decided to award the winners from the orange and spoon race a sweet. What can only be compared to the scene of muffasa’s death, the kids swarmed Lucy and Katie and the mob was only contained when one of the teachers had to pick up a stick to physically beat them away.

 

#Swag

 Before the sweets came out.

Three legged cutes

Warming up

That weekend we went to Swaziland. It was arguably up there with one of my best weekends of all time. We had agreed to be picked up at three thirty so naturally we set off at six. A journey that should have taken two hours ended up taking six. We made the most of a bad situation and took a few beverages for the road. After being stuck at the border for two hours the drinks got flowing and the seal got broken.  We were left with few options and the only place to pee was on the side of the main road while the traffic was locked. With not even a bushy hedge for modesty we were forced to pee on the electric fence surrounding the border as a group. It was not one of my finest moments and the hooting only added to the humiliation. Stuck and bored we decided to crank up the music and have a bogie on the side of the road. It was all fun and games until the traffic decided to rapidly move on. We all managed to clamber into the bus and it was only a couple of minutes and a few selfies later we realised we were three men down. We’d covered quite a few meters and started to scream for Lucy into the dark abyss. Things were looking bleak. Louis surfaced first, however still refused to come into the van as he wanted to ‘work on his cardio.’ We were getting scared for Lucy, the slowest and weakest member of the group. However, just when the group were at their lowest  her fiery hair slowly emerged from the dark.  A bit like Nelson Mandela’s long walk to freedom we basked in the miracle of her return.  Trevor was the last of the group to return who had simply refused to run.

Before the incident

Blissfully unaware of the missing party members 

Louis emerging

Leaving Lucy and Trevor's survival to fate

Triumphant

 Where do I even begin with Trevor? The poor sod had been drinking since 11am and when we finally arrived at the hostel at midnight he couldn’t even remember his own name.  In fact he couldn’t even remember crossing the border and it took several attempts to convince him that we were in fact in Swaziland. The man only got more outrageous when he kicked a dog with the rationale that it was a ‘white mans breed’ and made up some elaborate story about his imprisonment (which never happened). Lucy managed to hurl the six foot giant to bed and we all got a few hours peace. We enjoyed the rest of the evening eating the world’s best steak, however were shocked to see Penny and Katie with their suitcases suited and booted at 3am after they’d been asleep for several hours. As victims of crime we’ve been very careful with where we place our stuff. So it was understandable they had the shock of their lives when they awoke to a strange man lying in between their bunk beds and hitting Penny. When they finally summoned up the courage to ask the strange man what he was doing he simply fled from the scene of the crime. From the witness description and the only piece of evidence which was a white iPhone we managed to piece together that the strange man was in fact Louis who had drunkenly passed out.

Trevored.

The next day we went to a traditional Swazi village. It was really lovely to learn a little about their culture and we were even treated to a forty five minute dancing and singing show. There was also a beautiful waterfall we got to see! Louis and Trevor decided to embrace swazi culture by going to the mall and sleeping in the bus all day.

 

 

That evening we went back to the party hostel and had another great night. Trevor got trevored again and voluntarily went for an evening swim and told us the story of how he lost his virginity. A story which I hope to one day forget. The lies were ample as he declared that he had named his son AL Capone.  We were also joined by a crazy man called Vanity (who names a child vanity!?) who introduced a topic shift, a game changer when he told penny and Katie that it was ‘better to buy a woman than rape a woman’.  Louis was on top form, but couldn’t seem to grasp the rules of never have I ever and just kept repeating ‘never have I ever never ever never ever ever.’ Sizway our driver was having the weekend of his life, free food, free accommodation and getting paid to party. The guy was hiliar and we embraced  him as one of our own. At some points we needed to lay down the law. For example, his frequent napping did disrupt some of our travel plans. But he was very accommodating and even offered Lucy a place to sleep and kept reminding her that 'it is very sad too sleep alone.'

Post Swim.

 We decided it was time for bed at 6am and after two hours sleep we made our way to the Reed festival. The king of Swaziland holds a festival every year to pick a new wife (the man currently has 26). There are thousands of women who compete and they all have to hold reeds. The idea is that if you are not a virgin the reed will wither and you'll be caught out like the snake in the grass you are.  It was really interesting to see and  I even got to buy a t-shirt with the king's face on. One to add to my polygamist icons t-shirt collection.

The many women competing for the kings affection.

 Lou Lou and I

 Ladding about.
 

The week has been really fun! We got to learn about a popular swazi legend, the seven headed snake. The seven headed snake lives in the rivers and when you look at it can kill you. It apparently draws the colour out of you and turns you black. The snake naturally gets about my travelling in the clouds and just flies down when it starts to rain hitting people along the way.

At school we’ve been trying to get same data on the learners. For example, we want to know the number of learners with a single parent. When we approached the teachers about this they were willing to cooperate. One teacher actually went into a class and told her learners to ‘put your hand up if you are an orphan’. This obviously caused some confusion because of the language barrier so she was quick to clarify ‘not one parent dead' she reprimanded 'two parents! dead!.... put your hand up'. Last week I brought my laptop into school and ended up showing one child a clip from Aladdin this escalated quickly to 15 learners all clambering around my laptop screen.

Homestay life has been good, however I am now openly called fat every day. In fact today my neighbour and my house mother had a good two minute conversation where they just repeated ‘rea is so fat now’ ‘she is fat now’. A great boost to anyone’s self-esteem.

Last weekend we finally went to Kruger. I did enjoy Kruger, but I am going to be outrageous and just say it. It was slightly boring at times. We spent ten hours driving around in a hot truck! But we did get to see some amazing animals rhino, leopard, elephants, zebras, giraffes, buffalo, impala. It was incredible when we saw a wild dog! I didn’t get too many pictures as my camera is shocking, but will pick some up to share at some point.  

 The highlight was probably our night out at Barberton’s only club. If you can call it that. We had a wail of a time. We got to essentially control the DJ booth and pick all the old classics, mr bombastic, girl by destinies child and milkshake by Kellis. However, the fun stopped when the DJ got a series of complaints about our outrageous music choices. After the club we made our way to the mountains and got to see the whole of town. It was an amazing view and I’m glad we went even after Bridie and I threw a fit at the idea and acted like spoilt teenagers the whole drive up. The evening got called to an abrupt halt when we realised we were one man down (again) and found penny passed out on a rock.

 

Lucy and her rock in the club. Unfortunately not the one Penny took a nap on.

It’s the last day tomorrow of project and I’m so sad to be leaving Barberton. I’m hoping to come back again in October to see the fam! But I’m going to miss my volunteers so much. They’ve been the most amazing people to work with and I love them all like sisis. Last night we went out to celebrate Katie's birthday and had a bit of a tearful goodbye to some of our friends. In fact I sobbed the whole way home to a very uncomfortable Louis.

 

That’s all from me thanks for tuning in!

Rea

Weeks four/five/ six : suprise birthday parties, elephant riding, kidnapping and sports day

Hey

Been a while since I’ve written and trying to rack my brain for the memorable moments over the last three weeks.

Probably the highlight of the past few weeks was last weekend. We had a whale of a time. On the Saturday we got to see some elephants and even ride the buggers. However, this was not as fun as you would think. The agony between my legs and the close grinding to the guide provided an uncomfortable experience and did not provide the elegant ride I had expected. However, it was great getting up close and personal with them. We got to touch the trunk, feet, skin and even the tongue. The guide’s desire for us to squeeze the elephant’s nipple did provide some resistance, but we did eventually have a good grope. The highlight was when the elephant was supposed to ‘kiss you’ on the neck, which was essentially it blowing its dirty nose on your neck. After watching this happen to the people before me I was not overwhelmed at the prospect of being covered in elephant snot and so flinched when its trunk approached my neck. This only resulted in it blowing its nose right on my kisser and giving me a bit of a snog.

Just before he went in for the kill.

 

Elephant Snot

 

We also got to walk with the  elephants ‘trunk in hand’. This didn’t translate well into practice for Bridie when her elephant decided enough was enough and charged off into the hedges to grab a snack. By the time it got round to me and Penny the elephant was practically dragging its feet. Resulting us in essentially trying to pull a 6 ton animal round by its nose.

 

 

While waiting for our lift back to the hotel we decided the best course of action was to have a photo shoot as a great team building exercise.
 

The guys at the hostel picked us up from the elephant place and took us to a great bar where I had the best burger of my life. On a high we returned to the hostel bar where the madness ensued. Penny I and our new friend decided to abandon the group and start our own party in the bar across the road. We were having the time of our lives the shapes that were being thrown were unbelievable. However, the rest of the group were not impressed with the crowd which consisted of three 40 year old men and a group of socially awkward South Africans. We were eventually forced to leave after one of them refused to sell us their hat
Down at the other bar the party continued and I got too nostalgic when seeing the Ghanaian flag. I decided it was time for bed after I had stolen two avocados and walked into the bedpost smacking my eye socket 

 

The next day we decided to do the  ‘Big swing’ in Graskop. We all felt a sense of dread as we approached the location. A 62 meter drop before a huge swing across the Caynon. I was nervous, but volunteered to go first in order to avoid watching everyone else plummeting to their demise. Luckily we all survived and Penny only had about three minor breakdowns.  The fall was insane, I remember opening my eyes and just seeing everything flying past and then we swung past and got to see the whole canyon. Taking it all in all I could do was scream was obscenities.  After putting our bodies through total shock we were eventually picked up by our driver who stopped off at KFC making it an excellent day.

Sunday night is a huge night out in our township. I mean huge. It has a name ‘Sunday session’. In fact every night is party night, but Sunday is the big one.  The driver was obviously excited to be finishing work and dropping us off at home so allowed us a peep into his freshest dance moves. There was the fingers across the eyes, the sway to the side. However, things started going too far when he decided to throw his head onto the wheel and shake his ass. He was a binger through and through and I could only think of how much my binge hero chlo byrne would of appreciated the scene.

 

This weekend was probably our favourite by far. But we also really enjoyed our trip to Nelspruit a couple of weekends ago.  We visited the Botanical gardens and went to a chimpanzee sanctuary. I’m ashamed to say that the Sheffield Botanical gardens doesn’t have a patch on those in Nelspruit. Nelspruit has a bloody medicinal garden! Including a plant which you can use as a love charm. Chimp Eden was also great and they are now my new favourite animals.

Homestay life is great. Mama is always reprimanding me for my clumsy ways.  She has just bought the most insane new car, a Mercedes straight out of the factory. It’s the poshest car I have ever been in and as soon as it arrived chaos broke out as we all took turns clambering into the back for a free spin around the township.

 

She’s so lovely and keeps testing my cooking and cleaning skills to see whether I’d make the perfect South African wife. In South Africa when people get married the groom will often pay the bride’s family a fee which is called  Labolla. There is now a running joke in our house that I must clean and cook well to get Labolla. I appear to have failed the test and she has already firmly  told me I will not be receiving the aforementioned Labolla. Probably to the relief of her youngest son who she is trying to marry me off too. The woman’s hilarious just last week she watched me bring in my laundry and stopped me in my tracks to sniff my underwear and announce ‘now it is clean’. I’m really enjoying staying here. I’ve also become really good friends with the other son who is now taking all of us to the gym. We’ve ended up getting ourselves a month’s membership for a fiver!  Birdie has been teaching us her intense gym routine amongst her throngs of suitors.

This weekend we held her a surprise birthday party for Mama Eliza which we have been planning for weeks. True to classic bad luck she ruined her own surprise party by coming home to early. The party had everything you would need including a bouncy castle and a surround sound system. There was an obscene amount of food with £25.00 spent purely on sausages and probably about £200 on steak! The crowd consisted mainly of the 50+ range, but that will still no excuse to not blast out ‘these hoes ain’t loyal’ and 'you know what to do with that big fat but, wriggle wriggle' across the court yard.  It was the most formal birthday party I have ever been too with even a self-appointed chairperson who went round making everyone deliver a speech to the birthday girl. At one point one of the brothers got too lairy and she was quick to put him in his place and remind him of her officiating role. The speeches were strangely all based around death with many congratulating Mama Eliza for simply being alive. Things got grim when they started talking about infant mortality and at one point they had to remind the guests that it was not a ‘memorial service’. As our contribution to the birthday conference  the girls and I were roped into ‘singing a song from England’. After a moment of panic all we could think to do was sing the Christian anthem ‘he’s got the whole world in his hands’. The crowd were loving it and we were heckled for an encore. This is the only explanation as to why we ended up singing the bloody British national anthem in the middle of sixtieth south African birthday party.

             The Fam

 

The birthday conference. Chairperson second to the right.

 

 

 

 

Mama Eliza cutting the cake

On the Sunday we took a trip to Barberton Mountains something we have been itching to do since we arrived. The views were amazing and we really enjoyed bbqing with a can beer on the lake. Bridie took a slight tumble when we attempted to go for a swim and it is possible she has now needs a tetanus shot. Penny is monitoring her progress daily.

 

 

School has been good. We’ve been working to coordinate a sports day with the schools which is due to happen tomorrow which is sure to create madness (watch this space).  I found out that my lost carmex has been causing quite the storm with the grade five boys. Lucy found them smothering my lip gloss all over their lips and had to confiscate the new play toy.

 

 The teachers have all been laughing at us as we went to see a traditional healer last week.  Apparently they are renowned money robbers, but we enjoyed the experience. I got singled out and told that somebody was planning on kidnapping me and that I should be expecting four children in the next couple of years. All in all a very ominous future.

 

I Leave you with a two year olds' selfie. Rea x